Episode 16: Vowel Movement

In this episode, Iyaz makes his Night Attack debut to compete in the Startup Spelling Bee, Ali Spagnola makes a surprise guest appearance, then the Chatrealm solves everyone's problems.

Released on June 18, 2014, 3:00 am UTC

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Show Notes

Show notes by Leon - Latest version on the DCTVpedia

Cold Open

Justin's LA Traffic Rant.

Anal Wetness

Brian starts off the show by talking about the time he and Bonnie went to a Tenacious D concert. They had a contest for the audience to come up with the best introduction to bring the band out. Brian, on Bonnie's behalf, submitted this introduction:

The next band told me to say this: 'This next band is so good that even my ass is wet.'

There's Some Cool Shit That They Can't Talk About

There's some really cool shit happening with both Brian and Justin, but seriously… they can't talk about it. They both tried to use some very interesting metaphors to coax out the news from each other, but neither of them would budge. You'll probably hear about all of it eventually.

Woah Married Shannon! Bambalam!

Over the weekend, friend of the show, Shannon Morse, got married. As per Tekzilla rules, Tom Merritt officiated the ceremony.

Justin was in attendance, and he talked about his opinions on the proper lengths and rituals of wedding ceremonies. He argued that the wedding ceremony should be 15 minutes tops, and the shorter it is, the more he likes you as a person. He then proposed that the couple should write a letter to their new spouse that would be read in the event of their divorce.

Brian Fucked Up in His Latest Stage Show

Brian does a mind reading trick in his stage show called Sympatico. In the trick, he gets two members of the audience that draw a picture on two separate poster boards and they end up matching… except when they don't. This was Brian's first stage show in about six months and he definitely messed up and the two pictures absolutely didn't match. At the point when the pictures were revealed to the audience, all he could do was say "And that's why psychic powers don't exist."

Callers

  • Dude - Keeps up the jams (or something)
  • CrashKinkaide - Adament defender of the Ponyville Fillies

Patreon

The Patreon is at $2,082. If you want to become a patron, head on over to Patreon.com/NightAttack.

Startup Spelling Bee

This is the second qualifying round of the Night Attack Startup Spelling Bee. A few weeks earlier, Patrick Norton was the first competitor and got two spellings correct out of seven. This week's contestant is Iyaz Akhtar, Front Page Editor for CNet.com.

BOOM! Surprise Ali Spagnola! She's here to perform a little jingle for each startup.

Final score: 1 out of 7

Unfortunately, since he did not surpass Patrick Norton, he is eliminated.

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Controversial Sponsor Reads

Good ol' former TWiT employee Liz Romero was the one that reviewed the ad reads for NSFW. Iyaz mentioned that he would regularly get angry IMs from Liz whenever Brian and Justin would go off the rails on an ad read. According to Iyaz, this week's Squarespace ad read would ABSOLUTELY get them fired.

Everyone Has Problems

Brian, Justin, Ali and Iyaz all have issues. They've called upon the Chatrealm for advice. After they get three recommendations from the Chatrealm, they must choose one course of action that was suggested. THIS IS LEGALLY BINDING!


Iyaz is moving across the country and it will cost him $3000 to move his dogs.

  • Taylor Karras - Fuck everything else, be a boss. Bring your dog in to work.
  • Tensorguy - Have you ever seen Scrubs? Get the dogs stuffed and put them in luggage.
  • Ka3vak - Just rent a car, drive across the country, fly back to California, then fly back to New York

Iyaz chose to be a boss


Ali has an awesome new product (vibease) and she can't get it out.

  • Tensorguy - I'm allergic to bees
  • Lady - Have you tried plain yogurt?
  • Fuck her right in the pussy guy - Fuck her right in the pussy

Ali chose yogurt


Brian has a great story that he can't tell

  • Neshcom - Don't tell the story
  • Dude - Leave the dog alone
  • Tenky - Chopsticks

Brian chose to leave the dog alone.


Justin has a friend that used to be really really really cool, but then they started being a real dick to him. They've spent a lot of time together, but now there are some really serious behavioral problems.

  • Lady - Put a bunch of dirty photos of yourself on Facebook and tag them.
  • Dude - Tell your friend to quit smoking, shut the fuck up
  • Jonathan Strickland - Publicly make some passive aggressive comments that build up over time and eventually explode.

Justin chose to post pictures of his dick on Facebook

Diamond Time

If you want to submit your thing for Diamond Time head over to NightAttack.tv/DiamondTime or Bit.ly/plugmything.

Bullshitting With Ali

Since Ali, was a surprise guest, they didn't really have time to talk with her. They discuss her app being rejected from the iTunes App Store.

Ohh yeah, and Ali announced FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER that she signed a deal with Fandango (yeah, the movie people) to do songs about movies. Yeah, they're basically paying her to doing exactly when she did on NSFW. In all seriousness, this is fucking awesome. Her stuff started appearing on Fandango.com on June 20th, 2014.

Brian proposed that the Chatrealm coordinate and make the top comment on every video on the Fandango Movieclips TrailersYouTube channel saying "Ali Spagnola is the best thing on this channel".

Aftershow

Liz talked about how things went downhill with NSFW and its ad reads from TWiTs perspective. Brian and Justin were considered to be some of the best ad-readers until the Mailroute - Spam is a Rapist music video by t2t2 and Soundwave. At that point, it was determined that NSFW's ad reads needed to be screened. This event set a new standard for TWiT, where every ad on every show needs to be reviewed before the episode can be aired.

After the Mailroute incident, the Squarespace CLICK-CLACK ad read pushed things over the edge; it was then decreed that Justin would be banned from reading ads. Justin took a page out of pro wrestling's playbook and decided that he would invent a character that would read the ads instead of him: the Ad Dragon. This issue with the ad reads was one of the main reasons that Brian, Justin and TWiT decided to part ways.

TL;DR t2t2 and Soundwave killed NSFW.

Lol, jk. Brian and Justin freely admit that they are the ones who fucked up and honestly don't blame TWiT for anything.

Great Quotes

  • "Butt wetness alone is diarrhea." - Justin

Fun Facts

Preshow Doc

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