Episode 115: Burpees for Beelzebub

We hear more about Justin's experience in New Orleans and try once more to find hidden treasure amongst a heap of garbage in a round of Trial By JuRY.

Released on May 4, 2016, 4:08 am UTC

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Show Notes

Show notes by Leon - Latest version on the DCTVpedia

Cold Open

Where's your favorite place to cry (or masturbate)?

Perry Bible Fellowship is Pretty Great

Brian started off the show by talking about how much he loves the comic strip Perry Bible Fellowship by Nicholas Gurewitch. Nick happens to be a former colleague of Justin's. Neat!

The Crack Castle Part 2

So last week, Justin was out in New Orleans reporting for Daily Tech News Show and on last week's episode he talked about his stay at a hotel that he dubbed "The Crack Castle". Well after last week's episode Justin learned that former NFL player, Will Smith, was famously shot less than a block away from the Crack Castle.

Anyway, as a part of this reporting gig, Justin had a 30 minute interview Stephen Wolfram. That's the dude who created Wolfram Alpha and like 20 other things that are beyond my understanding. A real smart dude. But the interview went great and when they were done, Justin took the SD card from his recorder, popped it into his laptop and he was greeted with a bunch of 7kb audio files that captured absolutely zero seconds of their conversation. It was at this point when Mr. Wolfram leaned over to Justin and said "Thanks for that, those were great questions."

S'great!

Then 30 minutes later, Justin went to the Diamond Club meetup and had to be fun and social.

After the meetup he gets back to the hotel and he can finally decompress. But Justin's quite extroverted and he can't just sit in the hotel and deal with this recording fuck up. He's gotta go back to a bar. So he hits up Yelp and finds The Saint a dark, sad bar in the Garden District.

So he's sitting at the bar playing Hearthstone and surrounding him is the stereotypical group of sad dive bar patrons. At one point a fight breaks out between a satanist crossfitter and a skinny white dude wearing Jack White's hat. The satanist got his ass kicked and got thrown out of the bar.

Drunk Secreters

Are you one of those people where, when you get drunk, everything you say is a secret? Like, you say the most mundane things, but you feel the need to whisper it. There was a drunk secreter in the bar in New Orleans that is looking to buy a house.

Justin's friend Anthony is also a drunken secreter and Justin did an impression of him.

Patreon

The Patreon is at $1480. If you want to become a patron, head on over to Patreon.com/NightAttack.

Fuck… We Should've Charged for this Live Night Attack Show

Ugh, god. So the San Francisco show is free and we don't have any merch. Fuck. This was NOT a good business plan. People are flying across the country to go to this show, we easily could've charged at least a few bucks.

Anyway, come on out to our LAST free live show ever at PianoFight at 144 Taylor St, San Francisco, CA 94102 on May 7, 2016 at 4:30 pm pacific. It'll probably be livestreamed too.

Trial Bri JuRY

This is USUALLY the segment where the Chatrealm brings videos to be judged by Justin, but this time Brian is getting in on the judgement.

Diamond Time

If you want to submit your thing for Diamond Time head over to the weekly Diamond Time post on the DiamondClub subreddit. Instructions on how to format your submission can be found in the post!

Movie Draft Chat

Aftershow

Brian left early because he has a ton of shit to do before flying out to California in the morning, but Justin and Neshcom stuck around to hang out. They watched videos for a while, then had a lengthy conversation about weed and other drugs.

Then after about a hour Brian popped back in at the end and talked to Captain Morgan about how he's stressed out about traveling and animal cruelty in Hollywood.

Belt Winner

  • Justin
    • He donated $10 to John Kasich (lol)

Great Quotes

  • "Who wants to fuck this dinosaur? I want to fuck this dinosaur! Just won the belt! Don't give a shit!" - Justin's first words of the episode
  • "My 401(k), LOL!" - Justin doing his impersonation of a dude that's better than him

Fun Facts

  • Donating $10 to the John Kasich campaign is literally less effective than just lighting $10 on fire

Characters

  • None

Preshow Doc

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