Episode 138: The Chancellor's Revenge

It's another mid-day Bright Attack! Justin tells more tales of his trip out to the ancient land of Britain, including a run-in with a homophobe, American impressions and losing his iPhone. On the other side of the pond, Bonnie rubbed pepper spray into her face and a friend of the show got dragged into a twitter controversy.

Released on October 11, 2016, 7:06 pm UTC

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Show Notes

Show notes by Leon - Latest version on the DCTVpedia

Cold Open

Clip from a Pr0blem Solverz segment.

Justin's Still in London

Remember last week when we recorded the show in the afternoon because Justin's in London? They're doing it again! Justin and Ashley actually spent a few days in Edinburgh since last week's episode, but they're back in ol' London town.

American Impressions

After a week in the UK, instead of working on his impression of the locals, Justin has been honing his American impression. Apparently it's just him using words that they don't use in the UK like "Starbucks", "apartment", "elevator" and "dollars". He also mentioned that the locals REALLY love when Americans do southern or valley girl accents. Then Brian tried his hand at his impression of a British person doing a generic American accent.

UK IPAs Taste Like Shit

According to Justin, the IPAs in the UK are really bad. Also, he thought it was just a stereotype that all British pubs are called "The _____ and _____", but apparently they all really do follow that naming convention. Some (definitely fake) examples that Justin and Brian named were: "The Greg and Excelsior", "The Dog and High Hat", "The Table and iPad", "The Ice Cream and Pickle".

Also, ya know how the Brittos are known for warm beer? Well apparently they don't have carbonation over there either. What's going on Britain? Jesus.

Justin Is So Much Better Than This Rando British Dude

So Justin and Ashley are being really nice out at the Edinburgh pubs in an attempt to improve America's reputation amongst the locals. They're chattin' it up, buying shots for everyone, it's a great time. They met up with a fan, who happens to be a gaybo, and convinced him to miss the last train, hang out late and crash with them at their AirBNB. A while later, Justin goes to the bathroom and some dude mentions to him "Hey, that guy at your table, he thinks he's going home with you." Justin assures him "Oh yeah, man, it's totally cool, we convinced him to miss the last train, we told him he could crash with us." And that fuckin Britto scoffed and was mega incredulous that this American and his wife would invite a gaybo back to their place (definitely for some Satan worshiping, full-on dick-in-asshole gay sex). So when the three of them were saying their goodbyes, the bathroom homophobe leans over to Justin and says "Don't get bummed." For the Americans in the audience, that means "fucked in the ass".

Second Hand Pepper-Spray

This morning Brian called up Bonnie and she was weeping and coughing. Turns out Bonnie went to drop the kids off at school and went to wipe off her makeup with an old t-shirt in the car. That t-shirt just happened to be the same one that Brian used during the pepper spray episode of The Modern Rogue. She just rubbed that shit all up in her face. Sux.

Patreon

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Seriously, Why Do They Drive On the Wrong Side of the Street?

Justin's gonna get killed.

Justin and Ashley's Relationship

It's amazing how well Justin and Ashley get along considering how they're both a bit of an acquired taste (Justin's words, not mine). Thing's have been awesome between the two of them except for when they were leaving Wil Harris's house after the live JuRY Podcast when they had a dumb argument over who had the keys.

Find My iPhone

The next morning, they were frantically packing for their train to Edinburgh when Justin realized that he didn't have his phone. Also he's lost 50… pounds. How do you do the goddamn pound sign? Anyway, Justin doesn't have his phone, but he can still send and receive text messages through his Apple Watch. So the phone must be in his bags somewhere, whatever, they'll find it in Edinburgh. It's not in their bags. Well what the hell?!

Turns out the iPhone was in an Uber in London and the watch was connected to the myfi that he had on him. Who knew the Apple Watch could do that? Neat!

Night Attack Should Put Together a Show for Edinburgh Fringe

Much like Brian and Justin gave Aunty Donna career advice in LA, some Scots talked to Justin and Ashley putting together a show for the Edinburgh Fringe festival. They could probably put together five of their best of their best stories, polish them up and tell them on-stage in a storytelling fashion. That probably wouldn't be terrible. They proposed to name the show "Two Asshole Yanks Yelling At Each Other".

Mr. Worldwide

Justin mentioned that it's amazing to go halfway across the world and find people who are fans of his work. Brian told the story of a time he did a show in Boise Idaho back in 2001 where he got drunk on his birthday, slid around on some ice and tried to rent a car with an expired ID. Then recently (15 years later), one of the people he met on that trip emailed him out of the blue offering him a place to stay if he's ever in Scotland.

It's also pretty weird how there are thousands of people out there that know every intimate detail of Brian and Justin's life, but Brian and Justin know absolutely nothing about them.

Mr. Controversy

Man, our buddy C. Robert Cargill sure attracts a lot of controversy. Recently, he got roped into a controversy with some journalist who was admonishing Donald Trump for his sexist shit, but then people started piling on that journalist saying he's done some shitty things to women, then Cargill mentioned that that journalist has a history of getting blackout drunk and ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh. #Drama

Doctor Strange

Cargill is apparently making Jason Murphy one of his +1's to the Doctor Strange premiere out in LA. How neat is that?

Oh Yeah, The Winter Movie Draft

The Winter Movie Draft is next Monday. After Cordkillers. So like… 6pm pacific? On October 17th? 2016? Probably.

Who's gonna be the competitors? Fuck if I know, dude. We probably won't even know until Cordkillers has started. Brian mentioned Jeff CannataMikey Neumann and PadreSJ during this episode.

"Some Shows Talk About Politics"

Man everyone on Twitter loves to yell about politics, huh? People are "DESTROYING" candidates and dropping mics every 15 minutes. Brian and Jeff Cannata had an extended conversation on Twitter in which they talked about [some dumb bullshit that I scrolled past and didn't read] and finished by saying "man, it's great that we're really good friends, I love you. Let's record a show and release it on Justin's Politics Politics Politics feed."

Hoo boy, then they talked about Donald Trump and his "grab her by the pussy" comments and the reactions from everyone. Then Brian talked about his feelings about Gary Johnson taking one too many hits from the vape pen. Basically, it'd be kinda cool if he was more prepared for his TV appearances. Then Brian and Justin sang a parody of Afroman's Because I Got High about Gary Johnson's presidential campaign.

Diamond Time

If you want to submit your thing for Diamond Time head over to the weekly Diamond Time post on the DiamondClub subreddit. Instructions on how to format your submission can be found in the post!

I Swear to God, Angela, We'll Work on the Night Attack Album

Remember like 3 months ago when the new Night Attack album was coming out soon? That was funny.

Belt Winner

  • Whatever

Great Quotes

  • "Ahh how young we were… Brian had just gotten done slapping the twin towers and saying 'Don't go anywhere, guys!'" - Justin reminiscing about the year 2001
  • "They could pick Clownnose The Clown Nose Living Clown On A Nose…" - Brian would vote for anybody that was nominated for President by the Libertarian Party

Fun Facts

  • Brian invited both Ernie Cline and Cargill on to the show at the last minute, but they couldn't make it

Characters

  • I think there was a VERY brief Alex Jones/Piers Morgan

Preshow Doc

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