Show Notes
Preshow
Can edges2cats make a cat’s butthole? What about edges2shoes? What about edges2handbags?
Cold Open
Brian got a fancy drone and cut his hand on it. Bonnie felt the need to punish the drone by kicking it.
Justin Needs a New Place
Justin's wife Ashley had some friends over and it made Justin realize he can't have friends over because his apartment is too small. Justin needs a bigger apartment because his house guests feel very cramped.
Brian Injured His Hand…Again
Brian messed up his hand again by slamming a hammer into it. He thought he could just tough it out and be the pointer for the week. However, the next day he realizes he should’ve gotten stitches for it, but it was too late by the time he went to the ER. He had to resort to keeping his index finger pointed straight up to avoid screwing it up permanently.
Florida Travels Part 2
Brian got to go with the family to the Crystal River and swim with the manatees in Florida again for vacation, like a real vacation this time. He had to pile his family into this cheap ass car because he didn't book the flight until 72 hours before. Brian's daughters kept hogging the bathroom and so Brian couldn't bathe for 3 days, so he smelled like chlorine and manatee piss all weekend, gross.
The Warehouse Jerk Off
The family returned home from vacation just yesterday (Monday), and Brian had to prepare for the rock-block of shows that Diamondclub.tv has on Mondays: Weird Things, After Things, Cordkillers, and Spoilerin' Time. To get ready for these shows, Brian tried to look for any excuse in the book to get away for a little while, so he went to go pickup the dogs. Before that, Brian stopped at the warehouse to "check on operations." Bonnie was wondering what was taking Brian so long to get back from just picking up the dogs. So Bonnie texts Brian, "So, what do you do when you run off to the warehouse?" Brian responds to Bonnie's text with, "Today, I needed a little alone time. Unrelatedly, did you know that it's been 11 days since I've injured my finger and can now form a fist with my right hand." Brian then proceeded to explain what he's been "doing" for 11 days. So yeah, that happened.
Patreon
The Patreon is at $1,592. If you want to become a patron, head on over to Patreon.com/NightAttack.
STEWART MOORE! STEWART MOORE! STEWART MOORE! STEWART MOORE! STEWART MOORE!
Chatrealm really wanted Justin to turn on his neon sign that is in the background of his shot because it's been off for the last many episodes. He's left it off because it blows out the shot. He decided if the Patreon got to $1,600 he would turn it on, and it did!
Apologizes For
This is the game where we take a look at news articles that have "Apologizes For" in the headline. Brian and Justin have to guess what the person/company had to apologize for by filling in the blank.
- Walmart Apologizes For _______ In Valentine’s Display
Brian's guess: An overly sexual image, looks like two people having sex
Justin's guess: Porn
Brian was closest!
- TV's Steve Harvey apologizes for offensive joke about _________
Justin's guess: Trump
Brian's guess: Republicans
Bonnie's guess: Breastfeeding
No one got it right.
- London cafe apologizes for smoothie with ________ on the label
Bonnie's guess: Breastfeeding, again
Brian's guess: Some bodily fluid, a booger, some matter
Justin's guess: Nazi symbol
Justin wins!
The drink was called "Nutzy."
- Magician apologizes for ___ trick on teacher
Brian's guess: Knife
Justin's guess: Knife in paper bag
Bonnie's guess: Wand
Brian's second guess: Bra
Brian wins!
- New York Post apologizes for, yet still defends, _____________
Justin's guess: Pictures
Bonnie's guess: A chart
Brian's guess: Op-ed
Justin was closest!
- Pol Pot men say sorry for ______________
Bonnie's guess: Poorly written pop songs
Brian's guess: Massacre
Brian's second guess: For their name
Justin's guess: For suspiciously spending too much time at the warehouse
Justin's second guess: Music video
No one got it right.
- After 15 Years, Actor Apologizes For _____________
Brian's guess: Racial remark
Brian's second guess: Homophobic remark
Justin's guess: Blackface
Bonnie's guess: Playing a mentally handicapped person
Brian wins!
- Misspelled note on pickup apologizes for ‘anger _______’
Justin's guess: Naggers
Bonnie's guess: Despley
Brian's guess: Manajment
Bonnie wins 4 billion points!
Bonnie wins the game!
Final Score: Brian: 3 | Justin: 2 | Bonnie: 4,000,000,000
Diamond Time
If you want to submit your thing for Diamond Time head over to the weekly Diamond Time post on the DiamondClub subreddit. Instructions on how to format your submission can be found in the post!
Movie Draft Chat
- Rogue One has a weird ranking in our draft.
- Justin thought Logan was not going to do well because it was another super hero movie, Brian thinks it will make all the money.
Aftershow
Justin has to talk about the Milo Yiannopoulos scandal on Politics tomorrow at 10am PST/1pm EST. We then took a look at fail videos to replace the flaming shot fail videos bit with. It looks like we've decided on news fail videos based on this big fail video from KDOC's New Year's show from 2012. It's bad.
YouTube
TBD
Preshow & Aftershow
Since Night Attack is directly funded by the viewers, the preshow and aftershow videos are available to Patrons of the show ASAP and freely available 48h after release. If you're not yet a Patron of the show, then go to Patreon.com/NightAttack and pledge ANY amount!