Episode 84: Fruit Flies and Chill

The water on Mars announcement has inspired us to put our lab coats on. With the help of Dr. Kiki we bring butts to the audio listeners, we spread scientific knowledge to the art community, and we energize one of Brian's employees.

Released on September 30, 2015, 2:02 am UTC

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Show Notes

Show notes by Leon - Latest version on the DCTVpedia

Cold Open

Dicks n' balls n' balls n' dicks n' dicks n' balls n' balls n' dicks n' dicks n' dicks n' balls n' balls n' dicks Michael Dukakis Michael Dukakis Michael Dukakis lukhorrea discharge

Winter Movie Draft

Remember last week when we decided the rules for the movie draft and how to deal with Star Wars? Well the draft is done and Brian payed 100 Brian Bucks for 75% of Star Wars. Will he win? Who fuckin' knows.

Brian is GOB Bluth

Ya know GOB from Arrested Development? Brian is quickly turning into him. Rollerboard has sent him a free "hoverboard", ya know, the Segways without a handlebar. Brian loves the thing and uses it all the time around the house mostly because it makes him three inches taller, however he feels like it makes him a total douche.

Patreon

The Patreon is at $1934. If you want to become a patron, head on over to Patreon.com/NightAttack.

Patreon: It makes your dick bigger or your vulva fluffier!

What is Kiki Watching?!

Night Attack is a show that loves to entertain its video viewers, but actually has WAY more audio viewers. This becomes an issue when Brian and Justin play videos on the show. So every now and then there's a video that really has no value audio-wise, however it's amazing when you actually see it. In these cases, we have our guest watch the video and explain what's happening to the Blindies.

This time around we had Kiki describe this video of a bunch of naked dudes humping various pieces of architectre.

Art Speak

After hearing the bullshit "art speak" from the Humping Pact website, Kiki expressed her hate of this flowery language that doesn't really say anything. Hearing this, Brian and Justin took scientific concepts from the Chatrealm, described them in art speak and had Kiki guess what they were talking about.

"The whooshing of true movement combining both the closeness and separation in an electric dance of celestial proportions." - The concept of the Earth moving around the Sun

"The true diversion of unity for which form begets slight differential of form as selected by competition amongst diversity for unity." - Natural selection.

"As life itself springs eternal so to does this, the most eloquent and visceral of liquefaction. Yay upon with we shall build a foundation upon time itself. Please give me a quarter million dollars." - Water on Mars

Water on Mars Conspiracies

Earlier this week, NASA announced that they have evidence that there is liquid water on Mars. Cool! Of course this announcement created some conspiracy theories, some of which say the announcement was timed to coincide with the release of The Martian.

Let's Electrify Neshcom's Brain

A few months ago on Weird Things, the guys found out about Thync, a little dongley thingy that you attatch to your head that can supposedly make you feel calm or energized. The energizing version is supposed to be equivalent to drinking a cup of coffee. These things haven't really been proven to work, so let's just put it on Bryce "Neshcom" Castillo's head and see if he feels a difference. Of course, we're very scientific here on Night Attack, so we won't tell Bryce whether it's supposed to make him calm or energized, but then Brian totally spoiled that the thing was going to energize him. According to Kiki, the worst that could happen is probably a headache, but if it gets too much electricity it could wipe his memory. Also it's probably safer than being a female riding an Uber.

Bryce on Instagram

In order to get the best data possible, Justin came up with a set of questions that he would ask Neshcom every few minutes to see how he's doing.

Before the test:

  • Neshcom is feeling pretty calm, he's had a drink.
  • He's feeling alright. about 7.5/10 in terms of energy level.

Immediately after the energy started flowing:

  • Favorite movie: Blade Runner
  • Energy level: 7.8

A couple minutes later:

  • Energy level: 8.0

Literally like 30 seconds later:

  • Name: Bryce Castillo
  • Favorite movie: Blade Runner
  • Who'll he vote for President: Obama 3rd term
  • Energy level: 8.5
  • He's kinda feeling jittery/panicy
  • He thinks he got the energy one
    • HE'S RIGHT! GIVE THYNC ALL YOUR MONEY!

I dunno, 5 minutes later

  • Name: Bryce Castillo
  • Favorite movie: Blade Runner
  • Who'd he vote for President: Obama
  • 5x5?: 25
  • Energy level: 9

Ehh, maybe 10 minutes later?

  • Name: Bryce Castillo
  • Favorite movie: Blade Runner
  • Who'd he vote for President: Obama
  • 5x5?: 25
  • The sound a dog makes: woof
  • Energy level: 9.2

Diamond Time

If you want to submit your thing for Diamond Time head over to the weekly Diamond Time post on the DiamondClub subreddit. Instructions on how to format your submission can be found in the post!

Movie Draft

So the Movie Draft was last night on Cordkillers. Brian got 75% of Star Wars for 100 Brian Bucks. Remember when we said this at the top of the show. Brian doesn't know if he's gonna win. Past winners of the Winter Draft have gone as high as $750 million and as low as $500 million. Brian doesn't think he'll make $750 million, but he thinks he can do over $500 million.

Aftershow

At the start of the aftershow, Justin played a new track from Chatrealmer Steven Cogswell called "Let's Dance Bitch". It uses clips from both Night Attack and this episode of the Jury podcast. There was about 40 minutes of regular aftershow where they all watched YouTube videos, then they did a little Hearth and Oates but WAIT WAIT WAIT keep reading. After about an hour and 15 minutes of Hearthstone, they came back did some John Stossel impressions, watched a video of a news reporter being attacked by a bowling pin and then watched some fake news programs talk about drugs and pedophiles. If you're not into Hearthstone SKIP AHEAD TO THE END. The last ~30 minutes was REALLY good.

Great Quotes

  • "You don't give up two fluffy nipples for one under the bush." - Justin during the Patreon plug

Fun Facts

Characters

  • None

Preshow Doc

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