Episode 94: Rated F

We tackle the real issues this week. Christmas trees: real or fake? Punchlines: overrated? 10 second calls: too long? Brian: sufficiently in that Booty?

Released on December 9, 2015, 3:10 am UTC

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Show Notes

Show notes by Leon - Latest version on the DCTVpedia

Cold Open

TWO cold open videos tonight! Captain Morgan Puppet video from Jackie Hern and then the Captain has some direct marketing opportunities for you.

The Contender

THE CONTENDER DECKS ARE HERE! THE CONTENDER DECKS ARE HERE! THE CONTENDER DECKS ARE HERE!

Brian Is a Communist

So Brian is a loser who doesn't like real Christmas trees. He recently had quite an ordeal trying to find the universally-accepted 5-star, artificial Christmas tree. He was trying to find one on Amazon and they said it MIGHT get delivered by Christmas, then he had to call up Home Depot like some sort of caveman.

Patreon

The Patreon is at $1,935. If you want to become a patron, head on over to Patreon.com/NightAttack.

Punchlines Are Overrated

AWWWW SHIT, YOU GUYS! We got a pre-written bit!

Before Brian hosted shows on the internet, he was a touring stand-up comedian. Now, this was a post-9/11 so it was a very stripped down comedy routine. Ya know the phrase "... and the rest writes itself"? Brian took that literally. He was known as Brian "Tiny Prem" Brushwood and he only said the premises of jokes and let the crowd figure out the punchlines. After a tough stretch on the road, he brought his talents to UFC. Unfortunately he realized that it was tough to do comedy with somebody's fist shoved down your throat. Now he moved on to Kickstart his startup. Bonnie talked some sense into him and he got ready for his last hurrah as he took the stage at Lollapalooza.

And the bit is over. That went well.

Friendly Recommendation

AnchorLick Don't you hate it when you wake up and your boat is adrift? You need a Canker Anchor!

Head on over to AnchorLick.co and use the code "NAP".

AnchorLick, You can make it stick?

Mission: ImStosselable

Remember when this bit used to be Brian and Justin's bit? Well now the government got involved and now it's the people's bit. Big Jim sent in a video of him performing "Hamlet" in his John Stossel voice.

10 Second Calls

Here's a new bit. The Skype lines are open, but you can only talk for 10 seconds.

Calls

  • He's really high and he stubbed his damn toe!
  • Some people think AnchorLick is for Pussies - John Stossel
  • Biocow wants to thank you for hanging out with him on his birthday
  • I eat pears and I don't shit like that

Brian Dances On!

This week is the final dance performance for each of the teams. Before they watched the video, Brian told the story of how he cracked his head on a wood couch during the final run-through of the dance. Brinn explained to him "Ok… that was really bad and we need to do better. You can watch their performance and vote for them right here. Per the judge's request after the last performance, Brian was way more into that booty and the judge's really appreciated that.

THIS IS THE LAST PERFORMANCE! IT'S THE FINAL STRETCH! VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE! You can vote literally a billion times!

dctv.link/VoteBrian

And when you take a break from voting, give Brian's dance partner, Brinn, some love on Twitter. @BrinnNicole

More 10 Second Calls

  • You are awesome for doing that. You are inspiring, you are great.
  • wookie noise
  • PIZZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
  • Brian and Brinn had one of the best performances of the entire competition.
  • Some people say Brian is a really good dancer

Diamond Time

If you want to submit your thing for Diamond Time head over to the weekly Diamond Time post on the DiamondClub subreddit. Instructions on how to format your submission can be found in the post!

Movie Draft Chat

  • Justin, you're not gonna win - Brian
  • I don't think so either - Justin

Secret Projects

Justin is flying out to Austin on Saturday to film 8 to 10 episodes of some type of something with some company. Sounds like some kind of VR thing. They've also mentioned Toyota in past weeks. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Great Quotes

  • "... it's seven and a half feet tall so it'll fit in our house and it's taller than me… just barely." - Brian talking about an artificial Christmas tree.
  • "What's the rating for this show?" - David

          "F." - Brian

Fun Facts

  • This was the episode where Justin read a sad Diamond Time post and then, in an attempt to segue to lighter topics, Brian and Justin lifted their shirts and shook their bellies

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