Episode 97: Kardashigans

We take a look into the shockingly bleak life of Santa Claus, review 2015 and realize just how out of the loop we are and we experience a harrowing moment in the middle of the show when somebody remembers that they forgot to take their medication.

Released on December 30, 2015, 5:21 am UTC

Downloads

HD Video LQ Video Audio

Show Notes

Show notes by Leon - Latest version on the DCTVpedia

Cold Open

Is there anything not hilarious about buttholes? No.

Jury Is Santa

Christmas was this past week and Justin (Santa) is dead tired after delivering presents to all the good little boys and girls. He revealed how sick he is of doing the whole Santa routine. Also he's in SO MUCH debt. Dude, just help him out. Just one time. Just give him a little floater, man. He'll give you a shout out on Twitter, you'll get so many followers. His PayPal is [email protected] he just needs $1,000,000,000. DUDE, he's been there for you. Just help him out. Brian, upon learning how far in debt Santa is, asked if he had considered suicide.

Brian Brought Home A Sick Puppy for Christmas

So remember last week when Brian bought a puppy? Well, after a couple days Brian and Bonnie noticed that the puppy was scratching at its next a lot. Bad news bro, looks like ringworm. Brian takes him to the vet to see if they're right. The puppy starts glowing all over when the vet shines a blacklight on him. It's definitely ringworm and humans can totally get it. AWESOME, because the Brushwood girls have been all over him for the previous few days.

Also the dog finally has a name: Kepler Rocket Brushwood.

Brian and Justin are Alcoholics

One thing they forgot to tell in their giant VR recap from last week. They were near the end of their shoot schedule and Brian, Justin and all the film/production crew went to a restaurant. They sit down at a table and the waiter asks for drink orders, Brian and Justin lead off with a beer each followed by waters for all of the rest of the crew.

Google Trends

Every year, the guys like to look at the top Google search terms and talk about them. That's what they tonight too.Look at the list yourself, ya piece of shit.

Search Terms

  • Lamar Odom
  • Jurassic World
  • American Sniper
  • Caitlyn Jenner
  • Ronda Rousey
  • Paris
  • Agar.io
  • Chris Kyle
  • Fallout 4
  • Straight Outta Compton

Penny's Night Attack Debut

Penny walked into the studio to let everyone know that she forgot to take her Benadryl

Patreon

The Patreon is at $1587. If you want to become a patron, head on over to Patreon.com/NightAttack.

Name That Search Term

Brian and Bonnie have proven that they are incredibly out of the loop when it comes to these lists. So Justin gave them the theme of the lists and Brian and Bonnie bid how many of the top 10 searches they think they would recognize.

First list: Actresses - Bonnie is guessing

  • Ellie Kemper - Doesn't know her
  • Natasha Leggero - Doesn't know her
  • Taraji P. Henson - Doesn't know her
  • Lilly James - Doesn't know her
  • Allison Stoner - Doesn't know her
  • Bryce Dallas Howard - Ron Howard's daughter
  • Rumer Willis - Doesn't know her
  • Patricia Arquette - Doesn't know her
  • Amy Schumer - She's a comedian and she was naked with the coffee and she's awesome
  • Ruby Rose - Doesn't know her

Second list: Celebrity Pregnancies - Brian is guessing

  • Maci Bookout - Doesn't know her
  • Coco Austin - Doesn't know her
  • Ginger Zee - Doesn't know her
  • Zooey Deschanel - Doesn't know her
  • Teyana Taylor - Doesn't know her
  • Tiffani Thiessen - She was on 90210
  • Jessa Duggar - Josh Duggar's wife/daughter?
  • Bristol Palin - Sarah Palin's daughter
  • Nicole Curtis - Doesn't know her
  • Kim Kardashian - Never heard of her

Third list: Diets - Justin is guessing

  • 20/20 Diet - Doesn't know it
  • Carb Cycle Diet - One week with carbs, one week without carbs?
  • Paleo Diet - Only eat things that prehistoric humans could have eaten, like prepackaged foods that say Paleo Diet on it
  • GM Diet Plan - Doesn't know it
  • Military Diet Plan - Just follow rations as if you were in the military?
  • Atkins Induction Diet - Diet to get you acclimated to the full Atkins, low-carb, high-protein diet
  • 7 Day Soup Diet - Doesn't know it
  • 500 Calorie Diet - Eat 500 calories a day
  • Zero Carb Diet - Eat up to 800 calories of carbs a day
  • Yes You Can Diet Plan - Doesn't know it

Fourth list: Movies - Bonnie is guessing

  • Mad Max - Hot chicks that need saving in big rugged vehicles and they travel to find SEEDS!
  • Minions - Follow-up to the first two Minions movies. They're little yellow guys. Two of them got married from the last episode
  • Avengers Age of Ultron - Let's try to make Bruce Banner mad. Ultron is a failed Tony Stark thing that came to life and tried to take over.
  • Inside Out - This is what we watched when we got Bunchems out of their hair. It's about a little girl that has depression and the little characters inside her brain
  • Pitch Perfect 2 - Doesn't know it
  • Furious 7 - The people have to save their cars and drive real fast
  • Straight Outta Compton - There's this dude-- a sniper. Wait. Was it about the music group?
  • American Sniper - He's a guy that's fucked up from his experience in war
  • Jurassic World - Some lizards get REAL smart
  • 50 Shades of Grey - Dude is like, really severely like, listen woman, I'm gonna show you how to do the deed and the girls are crazy about it. He's really into bondage.

Diamond Time

If you want to submit your thing for Diamond Time head over to the weekly Diamond Time post on the DiamondClub subreddit. Instructions on how to format your submission can be found in the post!

Movie Draft Chat

  • Remember the scene in Star Wars where Tom Merritt was informed that Star Wars made almost as much as Avatar in less than two weeks and then he took out his lightsaber and trashed the room? - Justin
  • The RedLetterMedia Half in the Bag episode on Star Wars was great
  • Star Wars is still selling out-

Aftershow

Hoooooo boy. So there was about 25 minutes of normal aftershow chattin, but then Justin proposed the idea of he and Brian trying their hand at casting Hearthstone games. If you usually skip the Hearthstone portions of the aftershow, maybe give this one a shot.

They started out with a game provided by Blizzard that they want people to provide commentary for in order to find the next big Hearthstone casters. Of course they assumed their Hearth and Oates alter-egos and after 9 or so restarts, they finally casted a full game. That shit was GREAT. Like, I dabble in a little Hearthstone from time to time, I'm not crazy into the game but their commentary was ridiculous and hilarious.

Reveling in their new found casting talents, the guys decided to move on to providing commentary for Willie Dills who just happened to be streaming Hearthstone at that moment. It was even better than the game they did before. After nearly an hour of yelling at Dills, they realized that they could just go on Twitch and start casting random people's games. They registered the Twitch account "TrollcastShow" and said they would do some trollcasting the next day. But who knows if that'll happen. Well… you probably do, future person. But here I am still living in December 29th, 2015. You tell me if they streamed.

Great Quotes

  • "I mean the magic bang. The bang that God was present for." - Justin during the movie Google Search list

Fun Facts

  • Brian flexed his huge social media dick during the final Diamond Time plug

Characters

  • Desperate Santa

Preshow Doc

Comments

comments powered by Disqus
Support the Patreon