Episode 106: The Old Man and the Kayak

We take a closer look at this year's political candidates, explain why you maybe shouldn't vote and we campaign for some new, non-sentient candidates.

Released on March 2, 2016, 4:58 am UTC


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Show Notes

Show notes by Leon - Latest version on the DCTVpedia

Cold Open

George Lucas should have all the pizza he wants!

Holy Crap, A Game of Thrones Style Intro!

Remember last week there was a GoFundMe for a Game of Thrones style Night Attack intro video? Well ShodanKid from the Chatrealm got the money needed to render the video and it made its debut on this episode.

Oh, Onion!

When Penny was a wee child, Brian and Bonnie realized that she could make anything funny. They put her on the spot one night in front of everyone and she came up with "Oh onion!" and it totally killed. Seeing Penny's success, Brian's mom tried to cash in on the same joke with "cue cucumber". Silence.

Morgan-Jeepjop 2016!

A Chatrealmer put together a campaign logo for Morgan-Jeepjop 2016. Luckily enough, Captain Morgan is here to talk about his campaign. #MakeAmericaDrunkAgain #FeelTheBoat

"Don't Vote" -Brian Brushwood

So this episode was recorded on Super Tuesday - a day in the American election cycle where like a dozen states have primary elections to vote for presidential candidates. Brian isn't a fan of any of the candidates running for office and he made it known on Twitter that he wouldn't be voting. Not surprisingly, he got a lot of flak from people who are adamant that not voting is literally the worst thing you could do. His philosophy: "voting for the lesser of evils is still voting for evil".

Bonnie, on the other hand, waited an hour and a half in line to vote for a dude that isn't running anymore. For this particular primary, she is a one-issue voter (reproductive rights) and she looked up the candidates' positions. She made her decision to vote for a Democrat, but when the time came when the person asked if she wanted the Republican or the Democrat ballot, she couldn't bring herself to say "Democrat". She ended up with the Republican ballot and didn't want to vote for any of the current contenders and gave her vote to Rand Paul.

Also they went on a bit of a tangent about how local referendums seem like they were written by mischievous leprechauns.


The Patreon is at $1505. If you want to become a patron, head on over to Patreon.com/NightAttack.

Man, it's time that the Patrons get some mafuggin VALUE out this beotch. Earlier in the day, Justin sent out 4 previously unreleased album tracks to the Patrons. Turns out they're sitting on a shit ton of unreleased album tracks. The plan is to release more of these tracks on a regular basis at least through the summer.

Super Tuesday Fun Time!

The guys improvised campaign speeches and rebuttals for random websites submitted by the Chatrealm. Things started out pretty well with the first candidate until Justin gave his rebuttal and compared it to 9/11. Then they did a mulligan and he compared it to child sex slavery, which was… better?


Jurassic Park Looks Real

Brian worked at a movie theater when Jurassic Park came out and a co-worker said "Man, those dinosaurs looks so real. But I know they can't be real because they didn't have cameras back then."

Man, I Love My Wife. I Wanna Fuck the SHIT Out of Her

Also at the movie theater, a dude said "Man, I Love My Wife. I Wanna Fuck the SHIT Out of Her". Brian and Justin talked a bit about people who enjoy talking about specifics how they totally fucked their significant others.

What is 30 Seconds or DIAF?

In less than two weeks, we will be doing Austin Night Attack Live (ANAL) with the Possum Posse on March 12th from 2-5 pm at the Brew Exchange 706 6th St. Downtown ATX. Included in the festivities is a segment that is still being thought up called "30 Seconds or DIAF". So far, the idea is that you'll have to pick a slip of paper out of a bowl with an activity on it and you have to do it for 30 seconds. Last week Chatrealm started a list of activities people will have to do. This week, we went through the list and gave a "yay" or "nay" for each activity.

Here's the list they went through. Bolded items are approved.

Diamond Time

If you want to submit your thing for Diamond Time head over to the weekly Diamond Time post on the DiamondClub subreddit. Instructions on how to format your submission can be found in the post!


Remember last week when Justin told the story of how he passed out on the toilet and then went to the hospital, but never mentioned whether he wiped his ass first? He tried to get to it, but the show ended. Whelp… maybe next week.

Belt Winner

Brian had to by "Gleaming the Cube" by Robbin Thompson

Great Quotes

  • "Old lesbian and reject from Hook" - Justin talking about the Patreon picture

Fun Facts

  • Justin made a few references to "losers and haters" in this episode. Back on September 11th, 2013 Donald Trump sent out a tweet wishing all the losers and haters a happy 9/11
  • In the aftershow, it was revealed that Siri's name for Brian is "Josie is the best person in the world". AWWW


Preshow Doc


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