Episode 119: Is This An Intervention?

Hey, you ever been in a fight? The guys tell stories about the various physical altercations they've been in, we get really excited about being turned into young adult mystery/romance cover models and we once again look back at old Brian and Justin quotes that we have no memory of.

Released on June 1, 2016, 4:00 am UTC


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Show Notes

Show notes by Leon - Latest version on the DCTVpedia

Cold Open

What's wrong with tap dancing? Not a goddamned thing!

Moths to the Flame

On last week's show Brian made a lengthy analogy about how all of the talented folks that surround this show are moths that will meet their demise thanks to the flame of Night Attack. Then, no lie, after Justin went offline after the show, he was greeted by a moth in his apartment.

Podcast Awards

Hey, a bunch of Brian and Justin and their friends' shows are nominated in the Podcast Awards! You should go vote for all of them. There's an easy way to vote for all of our friends over at hat.t2t2.eu.

Little Assholes

Hey, you ever been in a fight?


5th Grade Brian Gets Beat Up by 4th Graders

Brian was in 5th grade and he decided to chase a couple 4th graders on his bmx bike and ended up getting his ass kicked. During the show, Brian reenacted what the fight probably sounded like using his best, high-pitched, 5th-grade-boy voice.

Middle School Justin vs. Kieth

When Justin was in middle school, he made fun of a dude that probably shouldn't have been made fun of. Something the dude did, caused Justin to continuously mock him by looking at a map, looking excited, pointing to it and yelling "THAT THERE'S QUEE-BEC!". Then one day when Justin was on his way home from school and the dude shows up OUTTA NOWHERE and punches Justin before running off.

Some time later, they squared off in the locker room. It's interesting to note here that they were two white dudes in a predominantly black school. All the onlookers were going insane for a fight between two white dudes, which was apparently a rare occurrence. Once the two started going at each other, it became apparent that neither of them wanted to use their fists and were engaged in a disappointing slap fight. The crowd quickly lost interest and walked away. After the altercation was over, Justin riding high off the adrenaline went up to his friend like "Aww yeah, I got him good, right?". To which his friend responded "Nah dog, you both lost."

16-Year-Old Brian vs. 14-Year-Olds

In high school, some dudes were harrassing Brian and his brother, so they got fed up and hopped into Brian's Pontiac and went to their house to confront them. When they pulled up, the guys were on their roof with bandanas on their head and paint under their eyes. 16-year-old Brian, who most closely resembled a 30 lb chihuahua, hopped out of the car and heard the tink of a rock hitting his car. That's it. Brian was pissed. He ran up to the front of their house, through the arch to the front door and they were waiting for him with a can of hairspray and a lighter. They weren't TOTALLY insane, so they knew this was crazy dangerous so the just let out little puffs of flames at Brian. Little Bri Bri punched the dude in the chest and yelled at them, then walked off.

Brian Defends His Wife at a Beastie Boys Concert

Also Brian choked two dudes at a Beastie Boys concert. Brian and Bonnie were having a good time, but these dudes next to them were getting a little too rowdy for their liking. They asked the dudes to try not to run into them so much, but the dudes didn't take too kindly to the Brushwoods asking them to take it down a notch. The venue had a rule against crowd surfing, so the dudes said they were gonna pick them up and non-consensually crowd surf them so they would get kicked out. It was at this point where Brian put a hand around each of their necks. The dudes weren't ready for "YOU MESSIN' WITH MY WIFE?" Brian and backed off. Then later, Bonnie got elbowed in the mouth and knocked a tooth loose. She explained what happened to Bri, and all he heard was "Some dude elbowed me in the mouth and you need to fuck him up". He started yelling at the dude who he believed had intentionally assaulted his wife. Out of nowhere, some arms reach out from the crowd and pulled the dude away from the Brushwoods. Just like in Ghost.

Let's Get A Sweet Valley High Cover Picture Commissioned

James L. Mathewuse, the guy who did a bunch of cover art for old books including the Sweet Valley High series. Recently it became known that James is taking commissions, and for $200 you can get your own Sweet Valley High style portrait.

Brian and Justin are totally gonna get some portraits of themselves for their next album. (By "totally", I mean "like… maybe? They've probably already forgot about it.")

If you want your own portrait, you can head over to JimmyArt.com


The Patreon is at $1,511. If you want to become a patron, head on over to Patreon.com/NightAttack.

Bag of Holding Challenge

The guys were talking about Sacagawea coins and came up with the idea to walk around town with your only form of currency being a big bag of dollar coins that you have to use to pay for everything.

I Said WHAT?!

It's I Said WHAT?!: the game where Chatrealm takes out-of-context quotes from past Night Attack episodes and Brian and Justin have to guess who said it.

  • "I'm unfamiliar with Premiere, I always use Final Cut"
    • Guess: Justin
    • CORRECT!
  • "Now available: Cock Jams: Vol. 4"
    • Guess: Brian
    • Incorrect
  • "If any woman engages in sexual congress and hands you a blacklight, you're in for a treat."
    • Guess: Brian
    • CORRECT!
  • "That two-tone farmer's tan is just fucking glistening."
    • Guess: Justin
    • CORRECT!
  • "Monster cocks: The cocks of monsters."
    • Guess: Justin
    • Incorrect
  • "I've got some 17-year-old c-words that need some of that superjuice."
    • Guess: Justin
    • Incorrect
  • "You don't know how the internet works, ya dick"
    • Guess: Justin
    • No action - Captain Morgan
  • "I hope they pick me, I'm only a college student serving in the active military."
    • Guess: Brian
    • CORRECT!

Final Score: BriJurbs - 10,004 Hitler - 3

Diamond Time

The guys started out with a few minutes of their grindhouse movie trailer voices talking about Diamond Time

If you want to submit your thing for Diamond Time head over to the weekly Diamond Time post on the DiamondClub subreddit. Instructions on how to format your submission can be found in the post!

Movie Draft Chat

  • X-Men Apocalypse is kinda underperforming - Justin
  • Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellan have had more fun on Instagram than they did making this series - Justin
  • Secret Life of Pets could surprise everyone - Justin
  • I don't think it'll happen - Brian
  • We're effed - Justin
  • Conjuring Fever! Catch it! - Brian
  • I'm kind of intrigued by Ninja Turtles - Brian and Justin
  • It's like a Ninja Turtles movie and it also talks about what it is to be human - Brian


They went through the remaining I Said WHAT?! quotes that they didn't use during the show. Then they played Hover Junkers.

Belt Winner


  • Grindhouse movie voice at the start of the Diamond Time segment

Preshow Doc


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