Brian whips Justin into shape he is about to head out on tour, Justin came up with a wingdinger of a bit, then the guys spoil some of the summer's most anticipated films.
Show notes by Leon - Latest version on the DCTVpedia
- ASMR track from Steven Cogswell
- Chatrealmer, Mark Steadman, reads the first bit of The Diamond Club.
- Bryce showed the new T. Tecky Texas (sp?) ad read for the week's Scam School episode
Bonnie's encounter with a stroke victim that walked like a zombie
Splashing Money on My Face
Right off the bat, the guys referenced "Splashing money on my face", an off-stream joke from like 2010. I believe it was during a SXSW where Brian, Justin, Patrick Delahanty and probably Brett and Owen were walking around Austin. They were joking about and started miming jerking off two dudes, one penis in each hand. The money splashing onto your face is jizz.
The JuRY In Your House Tour Rider
This weekend, Justin is heading out on his first one-man show tour. He's going to listener's houses for a three-day tour in Louisville, KY for Politics Politics Politics, Cincinnati for a meet-up, and Chicago for the JuRY Podcast. The tour kicks off on June 10, 2016. If you're reading this before then and you live in the area, check out all the details onJustin's Patreon page.
Since Brian has gone on tour with his stage magic show, he gave Justin some tips for a successful tour. It mostly involved calling each city "The ORIGINAL Sin City!"
Though Brian did give some good advice on how to not get totally shitfaced with everyone offering him drinks constantly. If you just keep a full beer in your hand at all times, nobody will offer you drinks.
Justin Was on the Official Sharks vs. Penguins Game 4 Snapchat Story
Justin was at Game 4 of the Stanley Cup Finals the previous night and he was Snapchatting. After the Penguins won the game, Justin sent out a snap of him laughing maniacally, and Snapchat put it in the official Stanley Cup story. How neat is that?!
They also mentioned this video of Justin and his brother singing a parody of Lonely Island's I'm On A Boat" about the Penguins winning the Stanley Cup back in 2009.
The Patreon is at $1,463. If you want to become a patron, head on over to Patreon.com/NightAttack.
Brian did his impression of his hypothetical 4th daughter with a southern accent who doesn't go to bed on time. She also likes to arm wrestle Callie and she doesn't finish half of her sentences.
Justin promised more of all the stuff that is posted on Patreon. Cool. I can't wait.
Cody Hewitt! We're watching you!
Remember when Justin used to write bits for NSFW? Then he stopped? Then he quit his job and started writing bits for Night Attack? Then he stopped? Well he wrote another bit!
Justin wrote out some phrases in the Wingdings font and Brian has to guess what the phrase is. Since I don't think I can type in wingdings (at least not easily) I'll just describe the wings and the dings. Also, apparently
- Thumbs down, vertical googly eyes, m with an extra hump, ampersand, diamond
- Hint: A saucy pack of silliness
- Guess: "Brian and Justin"
- Answer: Dicks
- Finger "OK" sign, cancer sign/69, Revision3 symbol, arrow, drop of cum, solid black square, black outline square, missing character symbol
- Hint: What happens when you vomit from your nose
- Guess: Snot show
- Answer: Barf Snot
- Poison, funky M, diamond Simon, vertical googly eyes, booby, booby, funky M, thumbs up, waves, 69, shadow Ambien tablet, crooked sperm, funky m, Revision3, booby, 69, vertical googly eyes, solid black square
- Hint: The definition of appeasement
- Guess: Neville Chamberlain
- Answer : Neville Chamberlain - CORRECT!
- Peace sign, comic bomb, 69, diamond diamond, verticle googly eyes, diamond simon, funky M, thumbs down, black outline square, VD, missing character, black outline square, black outline square, elevated black outline square, vertical googly eyes, solid black square, VD
- Hint: OMG what's that?
- Guess: It's Kook and badger
- Answer: A massive dog pooping
- Poison, funky M, diamond Simon, vertical googly eyes, booby, booby, funky M, thumbs up, waves, 69, shadow Ambien tablet, crooked sperm, funky M, Revision3, booby, 69, vertical googly eyes, solid black square, missing character, diamond, shadow Ambien tablet, 69, diamond, diamond, vertical googly eyes, diamond Simon, funky M, Ohm, black outline square, VD, square diamond, waves, black outline square, elevated black outline square, black outline square, black outline square, elevated black outline square, funky M, Ohm, black outline square, solid black square, finger pointing down, vertical googly eyes, missing character, booby, funky M, Revision3, missing character, diamond, booby, 69, square diamond, solid black square
- Hint: Agent of England's secret revenge?
- Guess: The homosexual, Alan Turing
- Answer: Neville Chamberlain's massive dog who pooped on Hitler's lawn
HEY! NEW BITS! Prepare to see this bit every few weeks, for the rest of time!
- LovelyMetalhead's YouTube Channel
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Movie Draft Chat
- I think we're back in this thing - Brian
- Chainsawsuit is out right? - Brian regarding Ninja Turtles pooping the bed
- Free State of Jones is essentially nothing - Brian
- Star Trek Beyond is gonna take a dump - Brian
- If Star Trek Beyond gets decent reviews, people will see it - Justin
- Nobody cares about X-Men Apocalypse - Justin
- If Suicide Squad is good, it could be Guardians of the Galaxy - Test in the chat
- Yeah, but was great, and I don't know if Suicide Squad will be good - Justin
- Besides Batman v Superman and Jungle Book, nothing is doing "poop my pants and somersault" money - Justin
- If both Ghostbusters and Secret Life of Pets do $200 million, we got this - Brian
- If Now You See Me 2 overperforms, we're cooked - Justin
- DTNS definitely has a more diverse portfolio - Brian
- Warcraft reviews are not great - Brian
- Not great to baaaaaaaad - Justin
- Apparently T-Mobile is giving all their customers a ticket to Warcraft - Bryce
- improv scene of a super serious and obscene Warcraft movie - Brian and Justin
- improv scene from The Conjuring 2 - Brian and Justin
- improv scene from Now You See Me 2 - Brian and Justin
- Brian said "cock" but he contends that that isn't a bad word
- Disputed belt: No payout this week, the belt will cost $20 next week
- As a result of this episode, both "cock" and "pussy" are now official Belt words and Bryce can definitely win the belt.
- "I've given a lot of handjobs!" - Justin impersonating an indonesian masseuse's hands during the preshow
- "...facial-hair-less Brazillian sidekick" - Justin describing himself in the Patreon thumbnail.
- Tusk guy from Warcraft during the Movie Draft Chat