Episode 59: It's just like Card Sharks

Brian has an awkward encounter at the gym in which he literally uses money as a sweat rag, then he finally achieves his lifelong dream of being on a game show and a random Scam School fan calls in and derails the show.

Released on April 8, 2015, 2:30 am UTC


HD Video LQ Video Audio

Show Notes

Cold Open

Justin wants a robot face.

Movie Draft Wrap Up

If you watched last week's movie draft episode, you may remember that Brian and Justin got a little butthurt with each other. This is because they are basically two children on the playground when their perfect plan to take over the world isn't quite working out.

Also since Team DTNS ran away with the last few movies and nobody could stop him, maybe they should randomize the bidding order for future Movie Drafts.

Brian's Vacation Planning

Brian's going on a one-week guest vacation to Las Vegas and part of this vacation involves weathered dollar bills. So this week, he needed to find a way to weather some brand new dollar bills. He also needs to get back in shape to look good for his vacation. To satisfy both of these needs, Brian decided to go to the gym to ride a stationary bike with some crisp, clean dollar bills to get all sweaty. Unfortunately, simply putting the bills in his pocket wasn't mucking up the bills enough so he decided to start mopping up his sweat with the bills. Then a guy sat down on the bike next to him. This is a very awkward thing to do right next to a stranger, but whatever, Brian will probably never see him again, and he continued wiping away sweat with his money. About 2 hours in, Brian realized that he was in the front of a room full of other people whose bikes were all facing him and they were all definitely watching him use dollar bills as sweat rags.



The Patreon is at $2250. If you want to become a patron, head on over to Patreon.com/NightAttack.

The latest Night Attack EP, The Merritt Tapes are (supposedly) dropping this week for Patrons! Get on the Patron train!

Brian Overcomes His Pain from Not Being On Card Sharks

Brian was supposed to be on "Kids Week" for the TV game show "Card Sharks", but it didn't work out. He is apparently still upset about this decades later, so now is his chance to obtain game show glory.

The game is called "Do You Have Alzheimers". In this game, Brian is given a clue for a viral video that was featured prominently in eitherBBLiveShowNSFW and/or Night Attack and Brian has to guess what the video is. Brian has three lifeline: Ask the Chat, Call Jay Brushwood and Eliminate a possible answer.

Like most celebrity game show episodes, Brian will be playing for a charity. His charity of choice is his daughter's tuition at a private school.

  • Clue: Hi Dad
    • Lifeline Used: Ask the Chatrealm
    • Guess: "The beaver suit... That can't be right" CORRECT!
    • Correct Answer: Beaver Costume Scare Fail
  • Clue: Dandelion Wine
    • Lifeline Used: Eliminate answers - It's not a GMCFOSHO song
    • Guess: The Beards? WRONG
    • Correct Answer: Fuck Me Ray Bradbury


Brian has 21 questions to determine which video there is.

  • Is it brodyquest? No
  • Is there animation? Yes
  • Is there music? Yes
    • Guess: Imdabes? No
  • Is the singer male? Yes
    • Guess: Bikie wars? No
  • Is the singer American? No
    • Guess: The Beards? No
  • Is it by Parry Gripp? No
  • Guess: Look at my horse. My horse is amazing? CORRECT!


Brian gets the clues for three of the videos and he has unlimited guesses for 3 minutes to guess them all.

  • Clue: Keep the dream alive


Brian can leave with his $11, or he can risk it all on another 20 questions show down. Unfortunately, due to tax purposes, there is a $1 transaction fee and Penny would own Justin a dollar should Brian get it wrong.


    • Guess: IMDABES? No
  • Is there music? Yes
    • Guess: Treat Me Like a Pirate? No
  • Has the performer been on the show? No
    • Guess: Bikie Wars? No
  • Is the singer American? 0.5 Yes

Brian wins $22 for Penny's tuition!

Why You Shouldn't Ask Brian and Justin About Night Attack Production

As you may know, Night Attack is nominated for a Podcast Award in both the "Mature" and "Video" categories. Brian had a mild panic attack when he thought "Wait… do we have a video RSS feed? Because that'd suck if we won the voting, but lost on a technicality." Of course, there's been HD and low quality video feeds since episode 1 at NightAttack.tv/subscribe.

Seriously… if you have a question regarding the behind the scenes production of Night Attack or DiamondClub.tv DO NOT ASK BRIAN OR JUSTIN. With all due respect, they probably don't have the answer. Once Brian and Justin go off the air for the aftershow, you've seen 99% of the work they put into the show. There is a team of young adults that handle the rest of the podcast hosting and posting.

If you have a question regarding anything about Night Attack that doesn't involve the live show, ask t2t2 or Cheeto or Leon or literally anybody else in the Chatroom.

Random Caller

In the middle of the show, a random Scam School fan called in to talk to Brian. He totally derailed the show, but I think it was for the better. After the caller was off the air, Brian and Justin went on a tangent about random people who call Brian's personal cell phone.

If you want to have an awkward conversation with Brian, call 1-800-EAT-FIRE.

The Ten Man Brass Band

So there's this ten-man brass band called The Ten Man Brass Band that actually discovered Brian and Justin from their #1 Billboard Charting comedy album. Who knew that would ever happen? Clearly these dudes are awesome, so lets drop a Compliment Bomb on their asses. Head over to their "Thrift Shop" cover and leave some positive comments and be sure to mention "Herbert Hoover".

Here's the short link for the Compliment Bomb'd video: is.gd/thriftshop



Diamond Time

If you want to submit your thing for Diamond Time head over to the weekly Diamond Time post on the DiamondClub subreddit. Instructions on how to format your submission can be found in the post!

Great Quotes

  • "Right through the corpus callosum; that's where I stick it in Justin." - Brian, 5 to 6 minutes in

Fun Facts

  • During the 20 or so minutes of the game, Brian experienced the longest period of time disconnected from the Chatroom during a show.


  • Animal Fairy
  • Captain Morgan

Preshow Doc


comments powered by Disqus
Support the Patreon