Episode 61: A Real Chet Paige Turner

Our dumb self-help book, The Journey, has be released and we watch it climb the charts. Then Sarah joins us for another round of Problem Solvers and MC Allergy graces us with another track about the tribulations of living with food allergies.

Released on April 22, 2015, 2:10 am UTC


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Show Notes

Show notes by Leon - Latest version on the DCTVpedia

Cold Open

Justin improvs a Hearthstone song.

The Journey IS OUT!

Chatrealms shitty self-help book, The Journey is finally available on iTunesAmazon and Google Play. At the time of recording, it was the #16 best-selling self-help book and #1,000 overall on Amazon Kindle Store with all 5-star reviews. Here's an amazing review by niceified.

At the end of the show, here's where the book was at:

  • iTunes
    • #2 Self Improvement
    • #95 Overall
  • Amazon
    • #14 Self Help
    • #18 Health, Fitness & Dieting
  • #938 Overall


  • Thanks to dr_rb, NobleApocalypse, t2t2, and Waffleophagus for helping with the text cleanup.
  • Thanks again to t2t2 for allowing us to use his image as the face of Chet Paige.
  • Thanks to sebgonz for the cover image.
  • Thanks to Jon Tilton (BCT!) for doing the final assembly, putting in my last corrections, and interacting with Vook.

Finally, a big THANK YOU to all of the anonymous <>s who wrote chapters for the book. Without you, we simply would not have a book.

Problem Solvers

I swear to god, if you don't know what Problem Solvers at this point, what the fuck are you doing with your life? The audience sends in their problems, the hosts call them, scream their advice to them and quickly hang up.

They didn't get to all the problems, you can read them yourself here.

  • In my country, we have time which is much very different to US time. I working during show to pay for internets. Please how i fix problem?
    • Brian - Restated the problem
    • Sarah - Pull the fire alarm
    • Justin - Get off ya prison island, ya weirdo! USA!
  • My wife and I have been married for nearly 10 years. A few years ago she approached me about her desire to have a boyfriend on the side. She said I could have a girlfriend on the side. We can do whatever we want, no questions asked. I do not feel comfortable with this. How can I pass on wife sanctioned side action? What do I do?
    • Sarah - Restated the problem
    • Justin - Open a dialogue with her, and tell her you have a problem with this. If that doesn't work, just fake your death.
    • Brian - Justin's a liar, you should get higher. SMOKE WEED EVERYDAY!
  • I am a recovering Hearthstone Addict, been clean for the last couple months, and I keep getting that itch to play when i hear it mentioned on a podcast that will remain nameless. What should I do
    • Justin - Restated the problem
    • Brian - All your cool friends are playing it! Come back!
    • Sarah - What's Hearthstone?
  • I'm a 27 year old virgin and I'm working during Night Attack. How do I pick up girls during my nightly visits to Taco Bell?
    • Brian - Restated the problem
    • Sarah - Bring the Beano
    • Justin - Yo quiero Taco Bell

You can see Sarah everyday on the front page of TechCrunch.com on her show, The Crunch Report.�

Can Bonnie Guess What A Merkin Is?

Bonnie was telling a story about an encounter with a wig, when Justin mentioned "a merkin", and Bonnie had no idea what that was. They did a Startup Spelling Bee style game in which Bonnie had to guess what a merkin is. She actually guessed right too. If you don't know either, a merkin is basically a wig for your pubes.


The Patreon is at $2307. If you want to become a patron, head on over to Patreon.com/NightAttack.

Remember the last TWO weeks when we told you that The Merritt Tapes would be released? LOL. It'll be out "soon".

European-Timed Show

Rumor has it that there are some Europeans out there that have to watch Night Attack live at some weird, inconvenient time. The idea of an early recording of Night Attack for European viewers was kicked around a while ago and was supposed to be this week. But that didn't happen, because Brian and Justin don't like to plan things.

So when's the Euro-show? Who knows, but they'll try to get Wil Harris and/or Patrick Beja and/or Turpster on the show.

MC Allergy

MC Allergy has blasted a few mean tracks in the past, but she's switching it up this time. Tonight, she's going country. Like always, the song's about food allergies, however this song is from the perspective of an asshole country waiter dealing with a table with food allergies.

Pounded In The Butt By My Own Butt

Brian mentioned some books that, friend-of-the-Weird-Things-Podcast, Max Landis tweeted out. The book is calledPounded In The Butt By My Own Butt by Chuck Tingle.

Diamond Time

If you want to submit your thing for Diamond Time head over to the weekly Diamond Time post on the DiamondClub subreddit. Instructions on how to format your submission can be found in the post!

Preshow Doc


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