Episode 73: The Indian in the Cupboard

The guys are together in Justin's Oakland studio and they put together an amazing episode. Brian angered a 7-Eleven owner, we play Name That Autocorrect, there's yet another way to answer the phone and finally an old friend returns.

Released on July 15, 2015, 5:00 am UTC


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Show Notes

Show notes by Leon - Latest version on the DCTVpedia

Cold Open

Justin has a dick made of diamonds

The State of the Studio

Brian is out in Oakland to record some Night Attack album tracks and he has also been helping Justin fix up his studio. They did all sorts of technical shit to make Justin's streams even better.

Brian and Bonnie Aren't Eating Vegan

So Brian and Bonnie are doing an experiment where they aren't eating animal products for 6 weeks. He made sure to point out that they AREN'T vegan… they're just following the same exact rules of veganism. Lucky for Brian, he's staying in a vegan household for a few days. Also he's fallen in love with the Whole Foods buffet.

At the beginning of this segment he told the story of the time Ashley was cooking a breakfast of imitation eggs


Hey guys, let's get serious for a second. Paying for child prostitutes is NOT a victimless crime. That's what a sign on the local 7-Eleven said. So that's a thing.

Also in this 7-Eleven Brian accidentally knocked a beer off the end of the fridge and hit the owner of the establishment behind the fridge. After hearing the owner yelp, Brian offered to correct the situation by buying the offending beer. The owner simply responded by saying "It landed on my foot", just doubling down on trying to make Brian feel bad. Brian put his beer back and said "I'd rather buy beer from a place where they're NOT all up in my junk" and left for Whole Foods.

Justin compared this to the time he yelled at Austin TSA for not allowing him through TSA Pre when it was rightfully given to him. Which was a greater fruitless screaming into the void against authority?


The Patreon is at $2172. If you want to become a patron, head on over to Patreon.com/NightAttack.

Damn You Auto Correct

This is the game where we look at people's phones misinterpreting their text conversations and guess what they were trying to say.






  • retail hawks
    • Brian's guess: fuckin' hawks - Incorrect
    • Justin's guess: red tail hawks - Correct


  • vagina sour
    • Brian's guess: sore - Correct
    • Justin's guess: sore - Correct




  • … blowing minors everyday
    • Brian's guess: blowing minds - Incorrect
    • Justin's guess: Balki - Incorrect
    • Correct answer - blowing my nose


  • … Grandma is homosexual!
    • Brian's guess: home safe - Incorrect
    • Justin's guess: home now - Incorrect
    • Correct answer - home from hospital


Another Great Way to Answer the Phone

"Asshole Klan, hello?"

Remember last week when Brian and Justin pledged to always answer the phone by saying "Jizz mate"? Brian actually answered the phone that way in front of one of his few legit britto friends in the US. His british friend actually thought he was saying "Cheers mate" in a british accent. He was mildly amused when Brian explained the joke.

Return of the Ad Dragon

So last week things got a little weird on the ad read, so the Ad Dragon is back to get the news out in Justin's place.

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Perfect Strangers Theme Song

They basically just broke down the intro to the Perfect Strangers tv show.

Hey, Let's Do Shot-For-Shot Remakes of Television Intros

The guys got really excited about traveling to different cities and recreating classic TV intros starting with Perfect Strangers. They started planning their kickstarter, then Neshcom informed them that this is exactly what they did onThe Greatest Event in Television History and they got kinda bummed out.

Diamond Time

If you want to submit your thing for Diamond Time head over to the weekly Diamond Time post on theDiamondClub subreddit. Instructions on how to format your submission can be found in the post!

Game of Thones Reddit

Right before Diamond Time, Brian spotted something on reddit: S01E01 Was that dude fucking his sister? So there's that.

Oh Yeah, Brian is on Penn & Teller: Fool Us

Brian is on the July 20th (the monday after this Night Attack) episode of Penn & Teller: Fool Us and you should all watch it.


Chatrealm's newest songsmith, Steven Cogswell has put together a song from Brian and Justin's improv of Clarence Carter's Strokin' from last week's episode. Listen to this!


God damn dude, this is a fuckdick of an aftershow. In the first 20 minutes both Brian and Justin embarrassed themselves by saying things they shouldn't have (multiple times each).

Great Quotes

  • "We're eatin' all fancy-pantsy goobly-gobbly as you westerners say it." - Brian on eating vegetarian
  • "The Indian in the Cupboard" - Justin referring to the guy behind the beef fridge of the 7-Eleven
  • "Go corporations!" - Brian when he announced his allegiance to Whole Foods over 7-Eleven
  • "Kindness to animals? He isn't like us at all!" - Brian watching the Perfect Strangers intro
  • "Your opulence bores me." - Justin talking about Brian's wealth
  • "FUCK YOU ADULT SWIM! FUCK YOU ADULT SWIM!" - Brian and Justin when they found out their TV intro idea had already been done
  • "Chicken gristle like a leukorrhea discharge!" - Brian in the aftershow (and the Hearth and Oates streamearlier in the day)

Fun Facts

  • In addition to Brian, both Patrick Delahanty and Biocow were live in studio for this episode.
  • If you don't know what leukorrhea is, don't bother googling it. You're better off.
  • Multiple times in this episode, Brian and Justin stopped and started saying "FUCK YOU ______ YOU FUCKING WHITE… WHITE GUILT… MILQUETOAST…"


Preshow Doc


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