Episode 82: Tom's Oats

It's a post-con screw-around episode! No bits! Just an hour and a half of hanging out with Tom Merritt.

Released on September 16, 2015, 4:00 am UTC


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Show Notes

Show notes by Leon - Latest version on the DCTVpedia

Cold Open

Brian and Justin APPEAR to have a comedy podcast, but HOW could this have been DONE?!

Confidential Behavior Report

The eldest Brushwood child is two weeks into her private school education. Previously she was in public school where she learned how to game the system and not have to endure any actual schooling. After many many calls from public school principals, Bonnie's heart sank when she got a "Confidential Behavior Report" email from her daughter's new school. Turns out they send reports for good behavior as well as bad. YAY! It's a happy ending!

Remember DragonCon?

It's been a week and a half since DragonCon and it's time to look back at some of our favorite moments. Some of the highlights were the Jurymore wedding (obviously), this picture and the Shame-Off after Night Attack. As of this episode's recording, the polished Jurymore wedding video is still being edited together, but you can still watch the raw streamed video here.

Check out all of Chatrealm's DragonCon 2015 pics here.

Jamaican Honeymoon

So Justin and Ashley went directly to Jamaica from Atlanta for their Honeymoon. They went to two different Sandals resorts over the course of a week

Geeks in Heat

Hey guys, this is the next big thing. Don't spread this idea around, we don't want people to steal it. Ok. We're gonna make Burning Man, but for geeks. It's called "Geeks in Heat". We'll go out to the desert and recreate the Crystal Ballroom from the Atlanta Hilton.


The Patreon is at $1954. If you want to become a patron, head on over to Patreon.com/NightAttack.

Virtual Veronica

Brian and Tom were eating dinner earlier while Tom was editing Sword and Laser. Tom was looking for the beginning of the episode on the audio track that just had Veronica's audio. So as they were eating, Veronica would just chime in and say something out of context. Fun was had with random Veronica soundclips.

Chair Trouble

So Brian is sitting in Tom's spot from which he hosts DTNS and a billion other shows. If you didn't know Brian is a "bit" shorter than Tom, so he has to pump up the chair in order to be centered in the shot. Unfortunately Tom's chair very slowly leaks air and lowers him down, so every now and then he has to lift the chair back up into place so he can talk into the mic.

Brian's on Vacation in LA Again

Completely unrelated to what Brian might have said previously, he's gone out to LA for another vacation. This time it's just for two weeks and he's staying in Tom's house.

Not Ray Was a Terrible Roommate

Since Brian is staying in Tom's house for a bit, the guys talked about some bad roommate experiences. Back in the mid-90s, Tom had an annoying guy named "Not Ray" who hung around his apartment on occasion. Brian and Tom did a little improv scene where they each ended up playing both Tom and Not Ray. It was great.

Armed Forces Commercials

Brian saw a weird National Guard commercial that involved coffee and blankets. Then they made jokes about mundane things the armed forces do.

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Which Group are You Afraid of the Most?

Since the early 2000s, Tom has gotten mail from the lovely Scientology folks. He's moved like 11 times since then, but they keep finding them. Justin posed the question "Which group would you be most afraid of if you got on their bad side?" Tom and Brian got spooked and didn't want to answer. Justin doesn't give a fuck and talked shit about the International Olympic Committee. Then Brian said that he would be afraid of gaining the ire of Reddit since they could end up accusing him of being the Boston Bomber.

Reddit Talk

Get ready everyone, Brian's talking about Reddit again. Every now and then, something of Brian's shows up on Reddit. Since Brian has a big following, someone will let him know about the Reddit thread and Brian will pop in and say something like "Hey! I made this! Hello!" and people will shit on him. Brian theorizes that people don't like this type of creator interaction because they want to feel like internet archeologists. They want to be the ones that brought this thing to the masses. They don't like the creator swooping in and stealing their heat.

Diamond Time

If you want to submit your thing for Diamond Time head over to the weekly Diamond Time post on the DiamondClub subreddit. Instructions on how to format your submission can be found in the post!

Movie Draft Talk

  • Team Cordkillers won
  • Seriously, what are we gonna do about Star Wars?
    • Brian's a fan of bidding on percentages of big movies or opening weekend/rest of the run
    • Tom says we should make special exemptions for movies when you don't know how much money it'll make


So they played Don't Get Brody'd during the Night Attack episode at DragonCon, but they kinda forgot to fully explain the game. If you're a long time fan, you know that in this game, the hosts have an extremely short attention span and act very rudely toward the competitors. If you're a new fan, you think it's a great time to tell a story about your father who just passed away and unfortunately, that exact thing happened. He was brody'd quickly and he got pretty upset about it. He confronted Brian and Justin about it after the show and the guys felt super terrible about it. They spent like fifteen minutes apologizing to the dude and it ended up alright.

Great Quotes

  • "I put an apple in me." - Justin in the preshow talking about drinking Appleton Rum
  • "If you vote for him, your jobs will be ganja." - Tom imitating local Jamaican radio commercials
  • "I smile and jerk off when they talk about Burning man so, eat it." - Justin responding to his friends who don't understand what happened in his wedding
  • "This shit is so shitty, we'll fuck some shit!" - Brian trying to remember how the Night Attack track "Abe's Labes" starts
  • "Oh Brian, like there's a way you could not be the loud obnoxious house guest." - Bonnie
  • "...the Daniel Day Lewis of actors!" - Justin during the bad roommate improv segment
  • "Who's a pussy? Brian Brushwood, go!" - Justin trying to get Brian to anger some powerful groups
  • "Have you ever seen a building jizzm before? You will with Scientology!" - Brian in the aftershow

Fun Facts

  • Sunbun was live in Tom's studio for this episode



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