Episode 91: You Could Win A 2012 Kia Soul!

What was thought to be a 15 minute story turns into a 45 minute journey into the time in which Brian and Justin got roped into hosting a New Years Eve party for which they never got paid. Then some other stuff happens. A great song remix, Mission: ImStosselable, we watch Brian dance some more. It's a good one.

Released on November 18, 2015, 3:05 am UTC


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Show Notes

Show notes by Leon - Latest version on the DCTVpedia

Cold Open

What jobs would you have in medieval times?

We're Making New Vines

Hey, do you like Captain Morgan? Like, the character on the show, not necessarily the rum. Well Bri Bri, Jurbs and Spearmint Nitrate are teaming up to put out a bunch of animated Captain Morgan Vines. FollowShwood on Vine to see em!

Gettin' Hoodwinked

So back in 2011, Brian is out in Orlando performing at Halloween Horror Nights. It was great, Chad was there! So there was this dude who was a big NSFW fan that had a season pass and showed up to Brian's show at least once a night. He even got some extra park tickets for Justin and Andrew Mayne pretty cool dude! Also he was a fat piece of shit that ripped off Brian and Justin.

Anyway he's a really nice guy and contacted Bri and Jury to host some events in Orlando. He's been put in charge of renovating an old hotel and they really just need some events to make it look like they're a busy place. B and J are a couple entertaining dudes, this seems like a cool opportunity for everyone. So he's looking to establish the guys as a regular act at this place including their big New Years 2012 show. For the New Years show, they would be the MCs that would just keep things moving in between these other "giant" acts the guy is booking. Check out the event ticket info. The dude booking the show is sending them pictures of their names on the marquee and reports of crazy ticket sales! They're gonna give away a 2012 Kia Soul! Awesome! You can watch them talk about it on NSFW.

Side-note: Andrew Mayne was booked there for a show a couple weeks earlier for a group of Zoro-Astrians. Weird, right?

So, Brian and Justin are booked. They show up New Years Eve and the run-down hotel looks exactly like it did months earlier when they were last there. They walk into the event room and it's just an empty hangar. This is when they realized that the booker is a real-life version of Todd Margaret. So he's wheeling in truckloads of high end vodka, but there's not much else there. Then the obese man explains "Hey, so the owner is a dick and didn't give me enough petty cash for all the vodka" and needs 500 bucks from Shwood and Jury to pay for it. Now, ya know that trick where you "magically" turn one hundred dollar bill into five hundred dollar bills? Well, spoiler alert, you actually have five bills the whole time. Brian disassembled the trick to give the asshole the money.

Then people start showing up, NSFW fans from all over the world are there. THEN the A/V equipment shows up. Brian starts doing all his audio checks WHILE PEOPLE ARE IN THE ROOM DRINKING. Then dj sKratchy shows up with his high-maintenance girlfriend, but the guys befriend him pretty quick. Turns out sKratchy and his girlfriend flew in from Columbia JUST FOR THIS SHOW.

So Brian and Justin are fully aware that this is a complete disaster and start wondering how they're gonna get paid. Brian realized "Oh, he just has a ton of drug money that he will launder through this bullshit New Year's Eve event. Whatever, they'll just spend the money very carefully. So they're waiting at the end of the show to get paid, when they ask the piece of shit how the event was going. "Oh man! You're not gonna believe it! Someone just stole $3,000 from the bar!" Ok. They're not getting paid. There was also a big redneck fight between the bar staff and the 69 Boyz. It was super weird. They were show-raped.

And then there was the Kia Soul. They were supposed to give away a car to someone in the crowd. Somewhere there exists a video of Justin pulling a name out of a bowl and announcing that they won a Kia Soul. There's no way that person got a Kia Soul.

The next day, Justin went to Disneyworld, got shitfaced and listened to the Battle of Blackwater on the audiobook of "A Clash of Kings". So it wasn't all terrible.


The Patreon is at $1,637. WAIT WHAT?! THAT'S WAY LOWER THAN PAST NUMBERS! Turns out Patreon is messing with they way they display how much people are pledging to more accurately reflect how much creators are receiving.

If you want to become a patron, head on over to Patreon.com/NightAttack.

The guys announced that they want to do more live shows in either Austin or Oakland. Stay tuned.

Juicy Fruit

Last week the guys formed a band with MikeTV and performed the Juicy Fruit song. Then Steven Cogswell put together their performance and made it even better. LISTEN TO THIS!

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Mission: ImStosselable

Brian and Justin still haven't forgotten about their mission to get noticed by John Stossel. They also seem to think that doing impressions of him will magically summon him. This week Justin performed a monologue from Jaws as John Stossel.

Brian Dances On!

We're getting into the final stretch of Dance Showdown and they are no longer revealing winners every week. I guess all the votes go into one big pile for the final winner. SO VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE! dctv.link/votebrian

Movie Draft Chat

  • Justin thinks Brian is gonna win on opening night of Star Wars
  • Some idiot emailed Cordkillers talking about how since the prequels sucked, Episode 7 will do poorly in the box office. Like, it won't even beat Jurassic World. Like WHAAAAA?
  • If Episode 7 is good, it's the biggest grossing movie of all time. If it's mediocre, it's gonna be seen as good since it's better than the prequels. If it's bad, it's just the prequels plus inflation. - Justin

Diamond Time

If you want to submit your thing for Diamond Time head over to the weekly Diamond Time post on theDiamondClub subreddit. Instructions on how to format your submission can be found in the post!

Justin's Gas

Hey! Justin has an interesting story about gas, but you'll have to wait until next week to hear it!

Spend Thanksgiving with the Jurymores

Justin and Ashley are going to be cooking and streaming live on Twitch all day on Thanksgiving. The show starts at 10 am pacific at Twitch.tv/FakeGamerGirl


Things started out with Justin talking about people's reaction to veganism. This somehow transitioned into John Stossel giving his opinion on the Back to the Future trilogy.

  • Other topics:
    • The similarity of Neshcom and Justin's hair
    • Scam Stuff's upcoming product - The Rogue's Tavern
    • Serial Season 2
    • The MST3K Kickstarter

Great Quotes

  • "That's more of a hot gash than a hot flash." - Brian in the preshow referring to menopausal women dropping their skirt and cooling off in a supermarket refrigerator

Fun Facts

  • The guys thought the New Year's story would take like 15 minutes. Instead it took like 45
  • The Serial theme made a triumphant return for this episode



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