Episode 98: Actually, It Was "Joy"

Brian sneaks up on a fan, The Contender is Iowa bound and we try to get to the bottom of your best tall tales.

Released on January 6, 2016, 4:48 am UTC


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Show Notes

Show notes by Leon - Latest version on the DCTVpedia

Cold Open

What's R2D2 been up to?


Sup dude, no big deal. Justin and Ashley will be judges for the Quizotron show featuring Adam Savage, Bonnie Burton, Hal Lublin and more. It's this sunday (January 9, 2016) as a part of SF Sketchfest

Trudy's: Diamond Club's Favorite Tex-Mex Since 1908

A few hours earlier, Brian was in the minivan down at the Trudy's restaurant near his house when he spotted a car with a <> sticker. He assumed that it was one of the locals that he's seen a billion times, however it was a dude he didn't recognize with his kids. Turns out Chatrealmer Zamboni lives just down the street from Brian.

Let's Go Caucusing!

Justin and John Teasdale, representing The Contender, are going to head to Iowa for the Iowa Caucus. It's gonna be a great time? A lot of people don't know what a caucus is, so Brian reenacted what happens at a caucus with the candidates "Flabby Kennedy" and "Douche Turd".

If you, in real life, have actually pledged to caucus in Iowa, Justin wants to hear from you. This will LITERALLY BE THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO EVER HAPPEN IN IOWA! Hit him up at [email protected]


In last week's Aftershow, Brian and Justin tried their hand at providing humorous commentary over Hearthstone games. They started out casting Willie Dills' games and that was great, then the next night they moved on to random Twitch streamers. Rando streamers weren't as fun, but they're still working the kinks out.

You can watch the Trollcasting for yourself here:

Night Attack 97 Aftershow

Second Rando-Twitch Stream


The Patreon is at $1548. If you want to become a patron, head on over to Patreon.com/NightAttack.

Brian will be flying out to Oakland in a few days to record new tracks for a new album.

Secrets or BS

This is the game where the Chatrealm sends in stories to the show and the hosts have to guess whether the story is true (a secret) or made up (BS). As always, Bonnie started out the game with the traditional Secrets or BS freestyle rap.

Example: I watch an internet comedy show called Night Attack and I actually like it

  • Brian's Guess: BS
    • It's a secret

Tim: In college, he used his webcam to see if his roommate was cheating. Turns out he was… with another dude.

  • Brian's Guess: BS
  • Justin's Guess: BS
    • It's BS

Thomas Jefferson: He had an interview for a job at a Dairy Queen (the company was not Dairy Queen), but the interview ended up being on the roof of a building. He ends up at the boss's house and he shows off his porn collection. Also a while later, he watched the boss stab a coworker.

  • Brian's Guess: Secret
  • Justin's Guess: Secret
    • It's a secret

Gabriel: He met this girl on Tumblr. They developed a friends-with-benefits relationship. After they banged a few times, she wanted him to slap and hit her a bunch.

  • Brian's Guess: Secret
  • Justin's Guess: N/A
    • Secret

Brandon: He was in the theater for Daddy's Home with a girl and she started blowing him. Then her boyfriend showed up and he shouted her boyfriend's name as he climaxed.

  • Brian's Guess: BS
  • Justin's Guess: BS
    • Secret

Sherwin: His future fiance helped pick shards of glass out of his ass.

  • Brian's Guess: Secret
  • Justin's Guess: BS
    • BS

He works at a crisis prevention hotline and has developed relationships with a couple regular callers. He went on a date with one of them, but apparently the person didn't know that he was the person from the hotline. I think that was the story.

  • Brian's Guess: Secret
  • Justin's Guess: Secret
    • BS

They bombed a job interview and shit their pants. When they finally got to a bathroom in a coffee shop, shit poured out everywhere and they wrapped up their soiled underwear and sneakily tossed them in the trash outside of the bathroom. They then saw some close family friends in the shop, but they've never mentioned anything about that moment.

  • Brian's Guess: BS
  • Justin's Guess: Secret (by default)
    • Secret

Justin Wins!

Friendly Recommendation

Heil Honey, I'm Home!

In Berlin, 1938, Adolf Hitler and Eva Braun have a love-hate relationship with their Jewish neighbours in this bizarre spoof of 'fifties American sitcoms.

Diamond Time

If you want to submit your thing for Diamond Time head over to the weekly Diamond Time post on the DiamondClub subreddit. Instructions on how to format your submission can be found in the post!

Movie Draft Chat

Great Quotes

  • "Crush all the records, today itself." - Brian during the movie draft segment

Fun Facts

  • There was pony-play in the 1940s

Preshow Doc


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